I have NO idea who is going to read this, but I just want to tell this story... again, I think. By the way, before you go "How the fuck does this bitch have time to write all this?" The answer is, I'm trying to take my mind off my ear infection and I have nothing else to do today.
There's a My Chemical Romance takeover on Fuse. Listening and watching these videos make me want to cry a little bit. I remember listening to this band when I was 12. I'm almost eighteen now. I remember the first time I watched
Helena and I thought it was just bizarre as hell because of the whole funeral theme. I sort of stuck my nose up at it and thought "What the hell is this shit? Fucking funerals. That's plain morbid." Perhaps, not in those words, I mean, come on, I was 12.
When I turned 13, this was my favorite band and nothing else could surpass the feeling of listening to a band that I thought understood me. That phase I was going through was ridiculous and for the first time, I was throwing shit around and being a little bitch, rebelling and all these things I was too afraid to do before. Because of this, I also came out of my shell. It was the first time I ever said, "Fuck the world. Fuck the people. Fuck you." I used to be silent, quick to hide in my invisible turtle shell, and to be perfectly honest with you, I cried every fucking day.
This band was about revenge and I waged war on people because I found a new clique, new friends and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was part of something special. I thought it was cool to pick fights and arguments and bring up fucked up things that people just shouldn't say. I have a very cruel side that comes out once in a while and recently, its pungency is very uncomfortable for people to be too close. When The Black Parade came out, I was excited. I spent around 70 bucks buying the special velvet set and everything. The one life-changing band of my life was coming out with something new. I was disappointed and at this point I was I think 14, 15. The band had actually slipped from spot one to two because The Used had become my favorite band.
When the album came out, I was disappointed and I hated it. I'm a person who doesn't like change. I hated the band, I hate the music, and I hated what they have become. I felt like a fish out of water and I felt abandoned. "Why the fuck did they sell out? Why the fuck did they change?" I was incapable of growing the fuck up and realizing that music is living, breathing, changes and grows. The band I had once love so much had evolved so much while my eyes were set on other bands. It was like I was being lied to, but I wasn't. I was just thinking too far into it. I was ready to grow the fuck up. I had a pretty late development of independence and sometimes I still depend on people to get shit done. I'm afraid of loneliness.
When the band wrote Teenagers, I'll be honest, I never thought I'd be as disappointed as I was. (Wow, speak of the devil. As soon as I wrote that sentence, the "making-of" documentary of the video came on T.V.) I felt offended and I felt lonely again. I forgot these guys were growing the fuck up and I was still 15. It was seeing someone you love move away and never coming back, but this band wasn't gone. It was too far away for me not to relate to the band, but it was still close enough to be in my face. I was bitter because I was honestly one of the most socially awkward sons of bitches out there before this band and now, I felt like a large portion of who I was got its ass handed to itself. I felt a hard smack to the face.
As time passed, I grew the fuck up and picked up old MCR albums again. I was now older. I was 16 and I that's not too far back. My favorite band was now Envy On The Coast, which I honestly doubted about two years ago when I was 14 when I heard Temper, Temper (which on its own is whole entire other story). I forgot how good this band was. MCR was the band that helped shaped who I am. I recognized every song immediately. I was compelled to the band that once was at the top of my pyramid. I felt the impact of the time I spent not listening to them.
Recently, I listened to Danger Days and my mind works like Billboard.com, musically. Bands go up and down like elevators on this mind-chart of music. Now this band shot up to maybe, my third favorite band. I could not contain myself when I heard it. It sounded fantastic. I still can't compare it to the old stuff and to be honest, I really can't ever. Every album that they have put out from Bullets to Revenge to The Black Parade to this new album is different from each other. You can't put a flower next to a brick and expect them both to withstand the same impact of a hammer's strike without deteriorating differently.
So, I take music very seriously. I know people think it's not important. "It's not that big a deal." It is when it was once all you had in your little room. When you're a kid and you rapidly change from the person you were before to the person you are after, you tend to hold onto the thing that changed you as the biggest thing in your life. It still is one of the biggest things in my life. I don't care how much of a no-life this makes me sound, but it's possibly sometimes the only thing that can bring me to certain points in my life, my thoughts and so forth. This is why I was sensitive when The Used kicked out Branden. When From First To Last lost Sonny. When Chiodos was slowly dying because Craig had other commitments. When Envy On The Coast broke up.
Yeah, I sound like a fucking sap, but this is the honest truth and some explaining of why I'm an asshole and such a psycho sometimes. Alright, I'm done here.
